Chapter 11: So In This Moment

Aloha, I’m Michelle, creator of Frequency Freek and author of Figure It, Face It, Fix It, a cognitive behavioral approach to addiction recovery and behavior change.

In this part of the journey, we’re moving into one of the most important areas of the entire process: understanding underlying causes.

No recovery system is complete unless we’re willing to look beneath the surface—beyond the behavior itself—and ask: what is actually driving this pattern?

When people are asked why they use substances or engage in addictive behaviors, the most common answer is simple: “because it makes me feel good.” And that’s true on the surface. But if we stop there, we miss the deeper layers that actually sustain the behavior.

For most people, addictive patterns exist because they work in some way. They temporarily meet a need. They reduce stress, soften emotional intensity, numb discomfort, or create a brief sense of relief or connection. There is a kind of short-term efficiency to it.

For example, someone might say: “I drink because my job is stressful and it helps me unwind.” That’s a real underlying cause. The substance is functioning as a stress regulator.

The challenge is that while it may temporarily solve the feeling, it also creates long-term consequences that eventually outweigh the short-term relief. That’s where the cycle begins to break down.

So the real work becomes this: once I identify my underlying causes, I’m no longer just managing behavior—I’m building life skills to meet those same internal needs without relying on the addictive pattern.

If stress is the trigger, then the question becomes: how do I regulate stress without substances? If anxiety is the trigger, how do I learn to calm my nervous system in a healthier way? If loneliness is the trigger, how do I develop connection instead of escape?

There are many pathways to this: cognitive tools, emotional regulation, physical practices, breathwork, communication, and support systems. Even something as simple as talking to someone can shift internal state. We often say “I feel better after I talked it out,” and that is a form of regulation and release.

At the core, addiction often functions as a form of self-nurturing gone out of balance.

When we’re children, self-nurturing is external and healthy. We get hurt, we go to a caregiver, we are held, soothed, and regulated through connection. But as we grow older, many of us stop reaching outward for support. We try to handle everything internally.

That’s where substitute forms of self-soothing can emerge. For some, that becomes substances or compulsive behaviors. At first, it feels like relief—like emotional care. But over time, it becomes harmful rather than supportive.

Recovery then becomes a process of learning how to self-nurture in ways that are actually aligned with well-being.

That includes learning how to meet boredom without escape, how to sit with anxiety without avoidance, how to process anger without suppression, and how to move through shame without reinforcing it.

Because shame is often a major underlying driver. People feel shame, use to escape shame, and then feel more shame afterward—creating a loop that keeps the pattern in place.

If we don’t address these deeper layers, we only treat the surface behavior. Real recovery requires going underneath the behavior and working at the root.

This is also where outside support becomes essential. A counselor, coach, or trusted person can often see patterns we cannot see in ourselves. We are frequently blind to our own conditioning until someone reflects it back to us.

So this chapter is about slowing down and getting honest about what is actually driving the behavior—not just what it looks like on the surface.

Before we move forward, let’s bring the full Choice Process together:

I want to use.
I can use.
However, once and it’s over.
So in this moment I choose to accept temporary discomfort.
So I can get my benefits.

Next, we move into the final integration of the program, where everything begins to come together into real-world application.

Aloha, I’m Michelle, creator of Frequency Freek and author of Figure It, Face It, Fix It, a cognitive behavioral approach to addiction, emotional regulation, and lasting behavior change.

We’re continuing through the final part of the Choice Process, which is built around six core phrases that guide recovery step by step:

• I want to use

• I can use

• However, once and it’s over

• So in this moment

• I choose to accept temporary discomfort

• So I can get my benefits

At this point, we’ve arrived at the final phrase: “So I can get my benefits.” This is the third declarative statement, and it represents what I’m ultimately choosing to focus on as my motivation.

In this program, I’m declaring something very simple but very powerful: I’m keeping my attention on the outcome I want to live in—my benefits.

The benefits become the engine of change. They are what pull me forward when things feel challenging. They represent the real rewards of sobriety and behavioral change: better health, more stable emotions, improved relationships, financial clarity, self-respect, energy, presence, and a deeper sense of alignment with myself.

There are different types of motivation people rely on in recovery. One of the most common is fear-based motivation—focusing on consequences, losses, or worst-case outcomes. And while fear can create short-term change, it tends to fade over time. Consequences lose emotional intensity as time passes, and when that emotional charge drops, so does the motivation attached to it.

I’ve seen this pattern play out repeatedly. In moments of crisis, the fear feels real and immediate—“I can’t go back to that life again.” But as time passes and the shock wears off, the mind begins to rationalize, soften, and negotiate. Fear alone rarely sustains long-term change.

On the other hand, focusing on benefits builds over time. Every day in recovery adds something positive: more clarity, more self-trust, more emotional stability, more connection with others, more financial steadiness, more physical vitality. Unlike fear, these benefits don’t fade—they accumulate.

That’s why this program shifts the focus away from punishment and toward reward. Not reward in the sense of instant gratification, but in the sense of a life that steadily improves the longer I stay aligned with it.

The more I consciously recognize and feel into my benefits, the stronger that motivation becomes. This is something I encourage people to practice intentionally—when you say the phrases, don’t just repeat them mechanically. Pause and connect with a specific benefit each time. Notice it. Feel it. Reinforce it. Let it land in your system.

That repetition builds internal reinforcement. Over time, your nervous system begins to associate sobriety not with restriction, but with expansion.

So when I say, “So I can get my benefits,” I’m anchoring into the reason I stay the course. I’m choosing what I’m moving toward, not just what I’m avoiding.

Let’s put it all together:

I want to use.
I can use.
However, once and it’s over.
So in this moment I choose to accept temporary discomfort.
So I can get my benefits.

This completes the Choice Process framework.

Next, we continue into the final integration of the program.

Hi, I’m Michelle, founder of Frequency Freek, and we’re continuing through my book Figure It, Face It, Fix It, a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy approach to addiction and recovery.

At this point in the program, we move into the final three phrases of the Choice Process.

These are called the declarative phrases.

Meaning: they are statements of intention. They are conscious decisions. They are commitments we make to ourselves in real time.

Unlike the truth statements we explored earlier, these phrases are about action—what we choose to do with awareness.

The phrase we focus on in this chapter is:

“So in this moment.”

This may sound simple, but it carries a lot of depth.

“So in this moment” is the bridge between awareness and action.

It is the point where internal conflict becomes a conscious decision.

Let’s break this down.

Every choice is created when two things meet:

An urge… and an opportunity.

Without an urge, there is no internal pull.

Without an opportunity, there is no decision point.

But when both are present at the same time, a choice is born.

That is what “this moment” represents.

It is the intersection where awareness meets behavior.

In that moment, you are no longer in theory—you are in decision.

You are either going to follow the familiar pattern, or you are going to choose something different.

This is where recovery becomes real.

Not in reflection.

Not in hindsight.

But right here, in the present moment.

“So in this moment” is also where we begin to recognize something very important: the internal voice of what I call the “junky mind.”

The junky mind is the part of us that generates justifications, rationalizations, and emotional arguments for returning to old patterns.

It sounds like:

• “Just this once won’t matter.”

• “You’ve been doing so well, you deserve it.”

• “No one will know.”

• “You can start over tomorrow.”

These thoughts can feel convincing because they often mimic our own voice.

But part of this work is learning to separate from that voice—to recognize it as a pattern, not a truth.

When we externalize it, we can begin to observe it instead of automatically obeying it.

Some people even name it or visualize it as a separate character. Not because it is “other,” but because creating distance helps create awareness.

For me, I often describe it as a voice trying to negotiate in real time, pulling me out of clarity and into impulse.

Once we can see it, we are no longer fully identified with it.

And that creates space.

Space is where choice lives.

The junky mind also has two common strategies:

It pulls us into the future, where anxiety lives.

Or it pulls us into the past, where regret, anger, or resentment live.

Both states disconnect us from the present moment.

And when we are disconnected from the present moment, we are more likely to react rather than choose.

Because anxiety, stress, and emotional overwhelm often become triggers for old coping mechanisms.

This is not a coincidence—it is a pattern.

The mind tries to escape discomfort, and old behaviors offer temporary relief.

But recovery is not about escaping the moment.

It is about staying present within it.

“So in this moment” brings us back to center.

It reminds us that life only ever happens here.

Not in what happened yesterday.

Not in what might happen tomorrow.

But in what is happening right now.

And in this moment, we get to choose.

Part of learning to live in the moment is also learning how to be with whatever shows up emotionally.

Not just the pleasant experiences—sunsets, joy, connection, and ease—but also discomfort.

Stress.

Anger.

Loneliness.

Anxiety.

Boredom.

Grief.

These emotions are not problems to escape.

They are signals.

Like dashboard lights in a car, they are designed to tell us something.

If the check engine light comes on, it is not there to punish us—it is there to inform us.

Emotions work the same way.

Anger may be pointing toward a boundary that needs to be addressed.

Loneliness may be pointing toward a need for connection.

Anxiety may be pointing toward an overextended system or distorted thinking.

Stress may be pointing toward imbalance or overload.

When we use substances or compulsive behaviors to numb these signals, we don’t actually resolve them—we silence them temporarily.

And in doing so, we lose the opportunity to understand what our internal system is trying to communicate.

“So in this moment” is the practice of staying with that awareness.

It is choosing presence over escape.

Awareness over avoidance.

Choice over reaction.

This is where real recovery begins to stabilize.

Because when you can stay in the moment without abandoning yourself, you no longer need to run from what you feel.

You can listen to it.

You can understand it.

And then you can respond to it consciously.

So when we bring the phrase together in full context, it becomes:

I want to use.
I can use.
However, once and it’s over.
So in this moment, I choose to accept temporary discomfort so I can get my benefits.

This is the structure we are building.

And this is the moment where choice becomes real.

In the next chapter, we bring it all together with the final phrase of the process.